I’ll just go ahead and admit that I have an account at an online dating site, and not that it has ever been a massive secret since I use my real pictures and all, but it’s still a semi-big thing. Most of the reactions I got were a variation of “But you are so good-looking!” Nowadays it feel like the topic of online dating is as taboo as it is to say that you are lonely. And the two things are seriously connected. Bear with me, this is going to be a long-ish post.
There is a good reason why online dating is considered alien to many people. I am among the children of the generation when internet itself was alien. I remember my parents telling me multiple times not to share any personal information with strangers in chat rooms, nor to arrange meetings with them. But then, that was more than a decade ago. Chatting was dodgy as fuck, you really never knew who was on the other side of the screen. I clearly realised that, as I had witnessed and participated in too many mock-chats when a group of my sister’s friends would gather round the computer after dark and present themselves as a, say, 17-year-old hot blond chick who is willing to meet guys at 11pm, and she would be wearing a white short skirt and a red thong. Yes, the guys (and me, actually) would go into such details. Now that was fun cause it was harmless. Just high-schoolers trying to have some fun at the expense of some poor fucker who’d go chasing after imaginary 17-year-old hot blondes. And trust me, hot 17-year-olds rarely arranged dates over the internet.
But that was many years ago.
Now it’s different. Sure, there still are dodgy chat rooms but in our day and age you should be more aware than ever about the dangers of hanging out on such places. However, a couple of days, when I told a friend of mine about my account, her reaction was that I was so brave for meeting people I know from the internet. I get her point and her worries but it comes as a no-brainer that it’s ultimately a thousand times safer to meet with a stranger at the pub than to be introduced to a stranger at a party and bring him home.
I also want to briefly tackle the issue with “beauty”. OK, I’m good looking, fine. But what does that have to do with anything? Many other people I view there are quite good looking as well. Of course there are plenty of creepy, dodgy guys with crooked smiles, or just people who are unattractive but sound like nice people. Also, there are the “nice guys” but I shall talk about them in another post. The point I’m trying to make is that online dating has gone ages ago past the “only uglies have accounts”. It’s not about the inability to score on a night out – mostly. It’s about timing. It’s about modern life. It’s about working long weird hours at a time and being too tired to go to the pub. Or to go to the pub purely to meet your pals – and only this, because all you want is a couple of pints and your bed.
And it’s also about loneliness. If any of you ever tells me that they’ve never felt lonely in their life, I’d call massive bullshit. It’s beyond me why people find loneliness intimidating to mention. What would other people think about them? Will they be perceived as needy, or too much complaining? Do they not have friends and family to spend time with? Of course they do. Of course we do. Of course I do. But my friends can’t make me orgasm. They won’t hold my hand on the street, or let me fall asleep on their chest. Can I survive without any, and all, of this? Yes, I can. But if I am given the opportunity – this opportunity being online dating websites – why shouldn’t I try to find someone interesting who would share my interests, regardless of whether it’s going to last for a week, 5 months, forever, or just a night?
So, with all that said, people – please, just go and explore yourselves and each other, and have tremendous fun with your stuff, and most of all – please let me and everyone else just explore our options, for better or for worse.
Soon: Neli vs the guys